so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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