If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
