All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
