I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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