Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There's always time for handjobs
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
