I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
