why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
