Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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