Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
