I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
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