i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
