I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
