im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize