This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
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This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
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And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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