my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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