He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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