why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
