wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
