College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
