i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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