I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
