i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
