If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
