So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
