she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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