I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
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They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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