What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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