My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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