put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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