Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
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Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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