True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
