So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
