Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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