If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
