I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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