God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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