When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You ate ashes out of my bong
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
