I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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