i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
