...so i touched it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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