You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
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...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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