Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
