What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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