Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I had to cum in my sink.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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