i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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