I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize