why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
