i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
