Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
