you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize