That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
