my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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