is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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