I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
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I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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