were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
