New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
