its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
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Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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