what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
God, I missed his penis.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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