I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
