how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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