Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
