HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
