I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
