Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
