Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
