I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
