what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
