At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Houston, we have a squirter
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
