She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
