I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
