How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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