we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
