Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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