Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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