I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
