make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
