I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i've created a new STD.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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