While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
