Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
